Baddhandz's Weblog

The Ugly Cousin A-3

baddhandz — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 06:56:20 +0000

There comes a time, after having played soooo many hours of poker in a row that your reality becomes a bit surreal. Either you are riding in the ‘bowels’ of the ‘zone’, or you have lost all reason and and believe you are in the ‘zone’ despite yourself. We don’t know why, but on just such an evening…….or early morning, someone at our table (we forget who) was dealt an A-3 hand and thought they had Pimp Juice (A-2). As the Juice was such a revered hand back in the day (and still is) it was somewhat of an embarrassment for the forgotten player to have made such a faux paux. The results of that particular A-3 hand were insignificant, but the magnitude of the visual and mental error that our friend had made was incalculable. Who on earth would think they were so blessed to have the “Juice”, only to be fooled by a cheap imitation? We pondered deeply…………. for what seemed like seconds………….though it was probably less than that, and our answer arrived. A Redneck! Yes that was it! But no ordinary Redneck, there had to be more, a blood relation to be precise, but not too close to home. A cousin! An Ugly Cousin! The type of relative that you are not at all eager to admit to having, due to your belief that certain members of your family should not have been allowed to breed. But they did anyways, and our Ugly cousin was born, his given name, Derwayne. In case you can’t tell from the picture our dear boy thinks NASCAR is a sport and cable TV is something you have to save up for( oh,and he is a chick magnet to boot). Good luck if you decide to play him.

Can I get a hell yeah? WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

-Jumbo Shrimp

King James K 2

baddhandz — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:57:37 +0000

Again back in Pendleton, a group of us decided to play a shootout hold em tourny. Flicka,( did we say he’s tighter than a lid on a 30 year pickle jar?) is the last man standing from our entourage. He is heads up against his opponent before the tourny gets combined. He is holding K-2 with a rainbow A- 10-2 flop. Check, check on the flop and the turn brings a 4. Flicka goes all in ( we can only assume he’d had a few too many) and gets a quick call. The other guy was slow playing a weak ace. In my infinite wisdom I yell “King!!!!”( I might have been drinking too) before 5th street is revealed. King it is, and Flicka mentally and emotionally breaks this guy, I mean baaaaaad. Two hands later and Flicka has all his chips and advances to finish tenth overall in the tourny and make a gizzle. I gotta be honest he couldn’t have done it without me.

If you like booze you will probably enjoy the incoherence of this K-2 hand as well. And if ever an occasion arises where you feel the need to be felted, just go allin with it.

Props to our man “Spank”, for not only agreeing to look ridiculous but for also being so damn good at it!

-Jumbo Shrimp

The Jezebel A-J

baddhandz — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 01:07:20 +0000

At first glance this duo seems out of place being included in the Badd Handz library. However, upon closer inspection it is fully warranted, just ask Tiffany Michelle if you have any doubts. The story of this hand is a rather peculiar one, in which my significant other, who is affectionately referred to as “Pants,” initiates a vicious cycle of losing hands with the A-J pairing amongst our circle of poker cohorts.

It was a typical weeknight of $2-$4 no limit hold’em at the shop. “Pants,” who was feeling her oats after taking down a few big pots, gets dealt a suited A-J in spades. A raise of $24 yields her two callers. Flicka ( who is tighter than spandex on a fat lady) calls in the small blind and the big blind decides to play as well. The flop reveals a Q-5-2 in rainbow fashion, mind you without any spades. The first sign of trouble for my girl occurs when Flicka leads out with a bet, HELLO? The big blind folds and “Pants” pauses for a moment before going all in. WTF!!??!!?? Flicka gets his chips faster than chameleon snapping up a bug………..the end is near for “Pants.” There was little surprise at the table when Flicka rolled over his A-Q, top pair and kicker, leaving poor “Pants” to have to have miracle running Jacks or straightening cards. It didn’t happen.

After the hand we had to ask “Pants” exactly what her thought process was. “I thought a Jack was coming” she retorted. A single Jack? We all wondered in silence.

Since this fateful evening the A-J hand has been cursed, a Jezebel so to speak, not only for our entourage of players, but for the entire poker community in general. It needs to be stopped! Your help is requested, do not engage this hand if money is involved, you just can’t trust it!

Lastly for your viewing pleasure.

And this one too!

-Jumbo Shrimp

The Stinky 4-6

baddhandz — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:30:09 +0000

Pendleton Oregon was the scene, at some casino that I can’t remember. My boy Flicka and I are seated at a $3-$5 no limit cash game, Billy “O” stands behind us for “moral” support. First position leads out with a small raise, Flicka, to my right, gets dealt and unsuited 4-6 and promptly releases it. Next to act, I peel back the same 4-6 only suited in spades. I decide to call and everyone else folds except the big blind. The flop produces a Ks-7s-5d. Wow do I have a draw! Flush and open ended straight to be precise. The big blind, who did not raise, decides to lead out. The original raiser calls as do I. The turn brings a 3h……………outstanding!!!!! I got da nuts!!!!! The BB now throws out half his stack and is immediately called by first position. Calmly……or not……I expose my hole cards enough so that Flicka and Billy “O” can see them. I recall hearing faint sigh of disbelief with a trace of disgust coming from Flicka. While waving both hands forward in a decadent manner I muttered “All in.” The other two players insta-called and the river was a blank. My opponents rolled over AK an KQ respectively as I showed my winning straight.

I felted these two poor jabronies with absolute trash. After I raked the pot (which was rather large), Billy “O” thought it would be a good idea to name this 4-6 hand, to which a stilled stunned and somewhat disgruntled Flicka uttered “yeah, we oughta call it the stinky.” It stuck.

-Jumbo Shrimp

PS: An ultra rare snapshot of Stinky in his natural habitat.

Prince William Q-3

baddhandz — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:57:43 +0000

Let’s just say that this hand is not for everyone…………neither are cross dressing construction workers. It happened on a night where I made it to the shop a bit late. Some of the players were in a word “primed”, Billy “O” was no exception. On the very first hand I was holding a J-10 on the button when I flop a Q high str8. Three players check it to me and I throw out a pot-sized bet to make it look suspicious. Billy “O” in the big blind comes over the top all in as he thinks I’m full of it. The other players fold and I call. Billy “O” was proud to turn over his Q-3 believing I was bamboozled, then I showed my str8. I don’t think he’s played that hand since.

Billy “O” happens to be in construction, so we deemed it fitting that a Queen with a trey might also be a cross dresser. Why not?

Now we also have a buddy, Antny, who not only looks like the Prince William but is also just really, really secure ………………………God bless him!

Peace, Jumbo Shrimp

The Roswell 4-7

baddhandz — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 07:18:05 +0000

Our buddy Lee (no relation to Buddy Lee) decides to play 4-7 off suit in first position this one game. No big deal as he often fires out with extremely marginal hands, but on this occasion the flop comes 7-7-7…………GROSS!!!! Anyhow, Lee, after genius-like check of the flop manages to bet the turn when a Queen pops up, and yes someone in the hand did have a Q. It was poor Flicka, thinking at worst he had a split pot, got felted when he re-raised Lee allin. This hand was so bad we talked for weeks about how possibly someone could play this gem in first position. The only thing we could compare it to was the saucer crash in Roswell N.M. back in ’47.

Dig the brow ring?? We do.

The Shop

baddhandz — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 02:27:45 +0000

The Shop, the place where it all happens, and the birthing site of Badd Handz. In reality it is our friend, Big Flick’s workshop. Rustic in nature, concrete floors, lots of tools and a variety of sporting goods and fine spirits……not that we drink. The shop is also the site of our regular home poker game which currently is $2-$4 NL holdem.

Within our game we have a rotation of 20-25 players in various skill levels, including several in the ocean marine category, God bless them. Several of these players have been the inspiration for creating a particular Badd Hand as well as the character that goes with it. We’ll explore some these players and their antics in upcoming segments.

Jumbo Shrimp

How It All Started Pimp Juice A-2

baddhandz — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:58:56 +0000

Badd Handz originated from a series of home games played at The Shop (more on this in a future segment) several years ago. William of O, being the novice player he was, fancied playing A-2 about as well as any other quality starting hand. Despite being severely dominated pre-flop, William of O managed to win several key encounters in tournament play with the A-2, most notably against Big Slick and pocket sevens. This led to the coining of the phrase “Gimme my Ace Duece…. Pimp Juice.” William of O has much improved his game since that time and just a few years later he realized that the duece was not the greatest kicker…….way to go Billy “O”!!!

Although Billy “O” looks nothing (although it’s debatable) like Hypocratizzle who actually plays The Juice, he seems to have an affinity for quantum physics. You can check out this vid to see what I mean.

Jumbo Shrimp

welcome to our world

baddhandz — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:53:04 +0000

the posts to follow will be about poker, but more about life , as poker is the micro to life as the macro. humor is mandate, in that if you don’t have any,neither life or poker is any fun. so please bring everything to the table and lets have some fun.

William of O

First Post!

baddhandz — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:47:45 +0000

Hello and welcome to our Badd Handz blog! It is our desire to cover many topics in our writings. Our Badd Handz characters may weigh in from time to time as well. Poker and booze (and any inextricable combination thereof) will always be a popular subject here. So chill and enjoy the ride!!

Peace,

Jumbo Shrimp